Not satisfied with all the large-scale horrors he's wrought in the last eight years, Il Douche -- owner of the lowest approval rating since the invention of polling, which, to a non-sociopath would be a hint to just shut the fuck up now -- is spending this last month or so of his lame, wingless, SARS-afflicted-duck presidency very carefully and thoroughly caulking all the cracks and spackling all the holes with some grade-A pig shit, just to make sure he didn't miss fucking up anything he could possibly have fucked up.

YUCK. Rick Fucking Warren? I mean, it ain't a Cabinet post, but I can't say I'm 100% in love with this one, broheim.

Can I please just ask you all: What the fuck happened to Nicole Kidman’s face? I saw her on Letterman (I think) the other night, and it’s like … wow. Um. Jeeeezus. Yikes. Meg Ryan’s is worse, but not by much. There’s all this … twisting, and pushing, and odd ballooning going on. Remember when she used to be naturally pretty but sorta chipmunky, with cute chubster cheeks, the nose she was born with, and curly red hair?

Internets, I cannot brook bananas. The whole concept is unsupportable. A cheery, tropical yellow package, crammed full of vitamins and potassium and good nutrition, great fun for monkeys and for dorm RAs who are trying to teach freshpersons how to use a condom – but it’s sheer gaggy death to eat one. My GOD what a horrible taste. And the texture, holy flaming SHATNER the texture. It’s what every food is going to be like in your mouth in hell – dig into that juicy steak? BANANA TEXTURE! Crunch some salt and vinegar potato chips?

Girl next to me on the bus was reading a book – a “trade paperback,” as we say in the biz, not a romance novel, and my eye fell upon this actual, apparently non-ironic sentence:Nikki(1) blushed, thinking of Eric’s devil-may-care attitude(2), bad-boy smile(3) and chiseled body.(4)” Wait a minute. Did Michael Patterson write this?---------

California General Election: Proposition 8 ELIMINATES RIGHT OF SAME–SEX COUPLES TO MARRY. INITIATIVE CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT.Changes the California Constitution to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry in California. Provides that only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.