Things I Wrote In a Notebook During Meetings in 2005, In Which I Remember Neither the Meetings Nor Writing These Things During ThemCan’t do nuttin for ya man,Flava Flav got problems of his own**********************high harmonies, no chops**********************thank you, Captain Oblivious**********************But Moooooom, I hafta do my love scene with Salma Hayehhhhhk!**********************--39 defects to retest--16 ready for retest

Spanish Johnny, a god among men, beat me to it. 

Internets, it should surprise none of you that I am a compulsive doodler in meetings. Herewith, I give you a selection of:Things I Wrote in a Notebook During Meetings at Work Two to Four Years Ago (In Which I Remember Neither the Meeting, Nor Writing These Things During Them)abyssus abyssum invocathell calls hell--------Bands:--Bofus Eyes--binLaden Family Singers--------Whoooooo’s High-Pitch? This is Kelly Clarkson!--------

Can I please just ask you all: What the fuck happened to Nicole Kidman’s face? I saw her on Letterman (I think) the other night, and it’s like … wow. Um. Jeeeezus. Yikes. Meg Ryan’s is worse, but not by much. There’s all this … twisting, and pushing, and odd ballooning going on. Remember when she used to be naturally pretty but sorta chipmunky, with cute chubster cheeks, the nose she was born with, and curly red hair?

Internets, I’ve fallen down a few rabbit holes in my time – my Shatner, I lost an ENTIRE DAY to this Sarah Brown joint recently – but lately, Mr. Gleemonex and I have been absolutely mesmerized by HGfuckingTV.

Girl next to me on the bus was reading a book – a “trade paperback,” as we say in the biz, not a romance novel, and my eye fell upon this actual, apparently non-ironic sentence:Nikki(1) blushed, thinking of Eric’s devil-may-care attitude(2), bad-boy smile(3) and chiseled body.(4)” Wait a minute. Did Michael Patterson write this?---------

Madam, you smell of multiple cats and a too-infrequently-changed mega-maxi pad, besides which on the way home I am often treated to your side of a neverending cellular-phone conversation in re: what is or is not in the oven that you may or may not make for dinner for a person or persons who may or may not wait up for you and whether they have or have not given yet a third party his or her medications today.

1) Must we – really, must we – allow Fred Armisen to go on living?2) Have y’all read this? You should. Sample quote: “ …and legalizing gay marriage, while it may annoy those people, will not force them to meet any gays, eat any gay wedding cake, RSVP to any gay invitations, or otherwise get any gay cooties on themselves.”

Now, this -- THIS I totally love.

Who the hell told that piece-of-chicken teenage douchebag Zac Efron he could act? I mean, who is this little fucknuts, and why is he a multimillionaire? Why do cheese-eating fools like him get all the money and fame and chicks?